it just poam yeah a poam

I HATE being patient, but I’ve got more of it than anyone else I know
I HATE having to put my self aside for something else, 
but I care enough to do it
I find myself filled with a lot of that lately... this… Hate… 
It sounds so weird to say it out loud… Hate…. It doesn’t have a nice feeling.
I HATE- 
It’s just not me.
It’s not how I want to be. 
It doesn’t sound right coming out of my mouth. 
It doesn’t sound right swirling through my head
why is it that I find myself constantly forcing that word out of my head.
I hate that…
there it is again,
lately It creeps up on me.
I know what causes it. I’m tired. 
I’m tired of being patient and putting myself second for you
I hate you
I don’t hate you. 
I hate the power you seem to have over me
I hate that I can’t hate you.
I feel helpless, 
The words echo through my head. They echo through the room.
This room.
I hate this room.
 the room in my head.
once my sanctuary. – now my enemy.
I hate this room.
I’m forced to sit in this damp windowless room. 
there is no way out. Not yet anyways. 
I have to wait.
wait - And be patient wait wait
wait for u